How to write a cover letter
April 25, 2010 at 6:50 pm 23 comments
Hi,
I have always been interested in your company (which I have heard of just moments ago) because you are the best company on the planet (insert Wikipedia company fact here). I find your values in sync with my values (value being we both want to make more money with minimum fuss) and therefore am applying for the position of [blank].
In my current position as (insert boss’s position here) I am In Charge of Everything. Not only did I take care of requirement 1 in your job posting, magically I was also in charge of requirements 2 through 4, even though my job title was something unrelated to this position. As for requirement 5, I did that in my spare time. In my previous job as Supervisor Of Everything, I accomplished the successful completion of your requirements 6 through 9 ahead of schedule! Please do not call anyone in that company for references because the company may not exist.
I am a highly motivated (source of motivation not related to job) individual, ready to take initiatives (such as extra long lunch breaks) to accomplish goals (world cup coming up), able to learn new skills quickly (such as facebooking AND blogging AT THE SAME TIME) and willing go the extra mile (to what? what does it even mean? why would ANY one go the extra mile? Isn’t that inefficient?). I am sure you will find my (fabricated) work experience and academic qualifications (I passed) a valuable fit with your organization, and will add significant value to the success of your upcoming projects (lol). I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience (this is the most honest part of the letter).
Regards,
Haleem
1.
Lat | April 25, 2010 at 7:50 pm
Hahaha! How sincere that was!
2.
Muslim Girl | April 25, 2010 at 10:37 pm
“I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience (this is the most honest part of the letter).”
Hahaha FUNNIEST LINE.
I hate writing cover letters and tweaking my resume. It all seems so fake and I always wonder whether the hiring manager realizes that half (or more) of the content is most likely fabricated and/or exaggerated beyond belief
3.
Muslim Girl | April 25, 2010 at 10:38 pm
Btw good to see you blogging again!
4.
Haleem | April 25, 2010 at 10:43 pm
@Lat, I wonder what would happen if everyone was superbly honest in their cover letter (hmm – you gave me an idea for another post in the future!)
@Muslim Girl, yes, got really busy with life and not really much to blog about. New projects, would come home late in the day and too tired to write anything. Let’s see – every blogger I know seems to be quieting down post marriage – perhaps something in that!
I so hate tweaking my resume though – why can’t they just interview me! :-p
5.
Louli | April 26, 2010 at 12:23 am
Just came here from another blog and this is hilarious!
“because you are the best company on the planet (insert Wikipedia company fact here)”
Too true! I hate trying to come up with the obligatory ‘something nice’ about the company. Why am I interested in the company? Er, because they have a position available?
6.
Haleem | April 26, 2010 at 12:56 am
@Louli, welcome!
that’s so true – I am only interested in your company because you have a position available!
7.
Sumera | April 26, 2010 at 5:12 am
Excellent cover letter!
8.
roshni | April 26, 2010 at 6:02 am
lolz3rs. Nice one. I am gonna’ copy it for my summer job, if I may do so please? =P
9.
sf | April 26, 2010 at 8:02 am
Wow! Talk about embellishment. Btw, my prof. once said that some people even used scented, coloured papers, well, if you had to submit a resume/cover letter personally rather than through an email.
10.
Susi Spice | April 26, 2010 at 10:10 am
bahhaha so true…. im trying to find a new job and totally relate.. hehe
lol u summed it up correctly
11.
Achelois | April 26, 2010 at 10:59 am
You are hilarious! I was thinking about you yesterday. Missed you, Haleem.
Very honestly funny
12.
'liya | April 26, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Yay, finally you’re back!!
Ah cover letters, haven’t had to write one in a awhile thankfully. When I applied to different schools I used the exact same one and just changed the school’s name
13.
GeekiSiddiqui | April 27, 2010 at 11:38 am
I’m so glad it’ll be awhile before I have to write one. I hate hate hate doing cover letter / resume stuff. Hate it!
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15.
daysofarabianlives | April 29, 2010 at 5:25 am
hmm – i tempted to cut and paste that and send that in JUST to see if HR really DO read all applications received,,, i know a guy who is so blatently blunt it is painful – he is presently looking for work since graduation and has wirtten reponses like “i think i am suited to this position because i no longer want to work in a petrol station and think the money you’re offering sounds fair for the job”
and then he wonders WHY he doen’t get a cal back???
16.
nadia | April 29, 2010 at 6:02 am
“I find your values in sync with my values (value being we both want to make more money with minimum fuss)” LOL
Nice one, Haleem!
17.
Susi Spice | April 29, 2010 at 7:55 pm
@daysofarabianlives -
1. I missing u already
2. this guy we know.. LOL omg… I just had the best idea! we need to get him to apply for like TV gigs or radio gigs with his sense of humour and blantant honesty he will end up some big comedic movie star or something just by chance haha
18.
Haleem | May 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm
@Sumera, do you think I should send it?
@roshni, go ahead. Let us know how it went!
@sf, haha nowadays it’s mostly electronical submission so don’t know how that will work.
@Susi Spice, yup – now whenever I apply to a new position I think should I send it very ‘real’?
@Achelois, thanks, and here I am.
@’liya, ah, how I wish I could do the same.
@GeekiSiddiqui, let me know if you can hire me!
@daysofarabianlives, there was a movie in Bollywood (called 3 idiots) where a guy was brutally honest in the interview and they hired him. Who knows, maybe it may work as something different!
@nadia, thanks!
@Susi Spice, this sounds like a blog post in the offing!
19.
lovetodaydream | May 5, 2010 at 1:42 pm
lol, that’s too funny!
By the way, can i have the password?
20.
Specs | May 7, 2010 at 10:45 am
ROFL!!! Haleem O Haleem,
21.
wordsnotofwisdom | May 10, 2010 at 1:39 am
Now that is something I could make use of! hahaa
(long time reader, first time commentor)
22.
Haleem | May 10, 2010 at 12:51 pm
@lovetodaydream, Elana, I was looking for an email on your blog to email the password you asked for, but can’t seem to find it on your blog. Can you email me, so I can send you the password?
@Specs, you like?
@wordsnotofwisdom, thanks! and welcome to this humble abode.
23.
souvenirsandscars | November 17, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Ahhh! I was just going through this with a friend’s resume. I felt like Rapunzel, spinning gold out of straw. I think they’ve come to expect the ability to b.s. If you can do it for yourself, you can do it for their company