Taking A Girl Out For Dinner
So I was composing a post and was showing the following write up to Mona.
Tips for guys on taking a woman out for dinner
If you take a woman to a restaurant she WILL find some reason to complain about SOMETHING. You are not expected to fix it, but listen and nod as if it’s a major world problem that should be debated in the UN.
The woman will expect you to call the waiter/server for a glass of water or ketchup or extra sauce or whatever. Women’s Lib be damned.
Please refrain from checking email on your Blackberry while you are on the dinner date. Even the excuse “I am checking movie timings for the movie after our dinner” doesn’t work. Women nowadays are smart (somehow).
She will order “something new” because she does not want to order the same thing every time, even though it’s her favourite. Meanwhile, you will order what you always order. This leads to …
She will eat only half of what she ordered, and say she is full. And then she will want to try what YOU ordered, because she know she likes it, and EVEN THOUGH YOU HAD NO INTENTION OF SHARING. Grrr ….
So Mona looks at me with her ‘tsk tsk’ look and says “So that’s how you think guys should keep girls happy. If only you guys KNEW how to keep us happy!”
“Aha!” I got her, or so I thought. “So you KNOW how girls can be kept happy! Why don’t you tell us, so we can actually do it?”
“Why,” Replies the Woman, “should I tell you? You should KNOW!”
Grrr….
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May 3, 2010 at 4:37 pm Enter your password to view comments.
How to write a cover letter
Hi,
I have always been interested in your company (which I have heard of just moments ago) because you are the best company on the planet (insert Wikipedia company fact here). I find your values in sync with my values (value being we both want to make more money with minimum fuss) and therefore am applying for the position of [blank].
In my current position as (insert boss’s position here) I am In Charge of Everything. Not only did I take care of requirement 1 in your job posting, magically I was also in charge of requirements 2 through 4, even though my job title was something unrelated to this position. As for requirement 5, I did that in my spare time. In my previous job as Supervisor Of Everything, I accomplished the successful completion of your requirements 6 through 9 ahead of schedule! Please do not call anyone in that company for references because the company may not exist.
I am a highly motivated (source of motivation not related to job) individual, ready to take initiatives (such as extra long lunch breaks) to accomplish goals (world cup coming up), able to learn new skills quickly (such as facebooking AND blogging AT THE SAME TIME) and willing go the extra mile (to what? what does it even mean? why would ANY one go the extra mile? Isn’t that inefficient?). I am sure you will find my (fabricated) work experience and academic qualifications (I passed) a valuable fit with your organization, and will add significant value to the success of your upcoming projects (lol). I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience (this is the most honest part of the letter).
Regards,
Haleem
Bringing the Eh-game
So yesterday (Monday) my office had put me on this 4-day course. Working in a big company means sometimes decisions are made over which you have no control, such as sending me to this course downtown. They give me food allowance, parking, AND I am not working, while the course they enrolled me has nothing to do with my work. But, what can you do?
Not to mention, the course started bright and early at 8 am sharp. Given that I live in Mississauga, I decided to leave early due to the traffic downtown. And lo and behold! There was hardly ANY traffic! Everyone must have partied the night before for our hockey win (WHAT A WIN!) and so taken an impromptu day off. At least that’s what it looked like as I found myself standing outside the class room at the learning centre at 7.45 am.
There was one other guy, an older gentleman standing there. We were waiting for the caretaker to come and open the locked classroom door.
“Early for the class?” He commented.
“Ya,” I replied, “Everyone else must have taken the day off eh.”
“Must be the game.” He laughed. “What a game.”
“Oh absolutely. What a thriller. So glad we won in the end though.”
“Ya, it was mighty close. Anyone could have won.” He said.
“And,” I commented now, “you know what was the best part? We beat the Americans!”
“Ah,” He replied.
“Yep,” I continued, “be it hockey or tiddlywinks, as long as it’s Canada-USA it’s intense rivalry. But good that we won.”
“Well,” He commented, “both teams played well, but it was a good hockey game in the end.”
“Ah, but what if the Yanks won?” I asked him, “How embarrassing that would be! It’s our game. We should have thumped them, rather than it get so close! And now, even our women’s team beat them!”
Then we talked about the weather and how unseasonably warm it was.
There was a pause. And then I asked him, “So you are here as a student or you teaching the course?”
“I am the instructor.” He answered. “I do these courses all over North America.”
“Oh, you are travelling.” I realized. “Where do you come from?”
“Tampa Bay, Florida.” He answered.
“Oh, er…. “, I connected the dots. “You are an American!”
Um ….
*awkward pause*
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